Anonymous asked: i care

Thanks

I have so much on my mind.
I seriously cannot sleep.
I’m trying to wrap my mind around the idea that school’s out next week, how short but legit my summer is going to be, how I have a 5 1/2 hour shift at my job tomorrow, how I’m getting my license this week. How in two weekends I’ll be taking my best friend to ride with the dolphins for the first time, how a close friend of mine is moving on Sunday, how close my great-grandmother is to death, how quick this amazing weekend has gone by, how 9 months brought us here but within two weeks we’re the worst we’ve ever been.
I was doing a good job at staying happy for a long time. I’m still doing a pretty fine job if I do say so myself, it’s just that I’ve been crying off and on for a week now, and it’s like every time I try to help, I always make things worse. I try to help others, I screw up, I try to help myself, I totally screw up.
Can I just know what it feels like to hear someone I love say the words “I care” again? Friends, boyfriend, family, anyone? Willingly.
To know what it feels like to be wanted to be talked to, or taken out somewhere, or reminded that I’m loved and cared for.
I’ve lost that feeling.
I just don’t feel it anymore and there’s something growing inside of me… Not a sadness or hatred, but something different. Something I’ve never felt before.
I just have way too much on my mind, but at the same time, I also have too much on my heart.